I have a saying, "Never bite off more than you can chew, unless you're eating nachos. Then bite off as much as you can shove in your mouth." I try to live by this wisdom. However, when I began dating Ginger, who is now my fiancee, I did oftentimes fear that I had bitten off way more than I could chew. Some would call her crazy, but I'll use the more delicate word 'eccentric' to describe her behavior. Do you have to be rich to be eccentric? Alright, maybe she's just crazy. Sometimes the road we've been traveling together has been rocky, filled with proverbial potholes that have lead to woes. But for the most part, her eccentricity has been a source of delightful entertainment. Today I'll share some of her more bizarre quotations and some of my retrospective thoughts on them.
And just so we're clear, she's not only aware that I have a file containing strange things she's said, she has encouraged (and by encouraged I mean demanded) me to put them on the blog one day. Today is that day! Let's begin...
We were watching one of my favorite bad movies, Alien Species, and one of the aliens created a force field to trap the human protagonists in a cave. This prompted Ginger's response:
Wow! I didn't know aliens could do that kinda shit!
It's important that I note the tone of her voice. There was no sarcasm or anything like that. She said it as if we weren't watching a horribly cheesy alien invasion movie but rather a documentary. This confounded and bewildered me. I was viewing this movie as some awful entertainment to mock and chuckle at, but apparently she was viewing it as a learning experience. If aliens ever finally get around to invading Earth in our lifetime, I'm anticipating that she'll expect them to arrive in spaceships that look like N64 graphics, like in the movie. I'm hoping that's the case, but I have my doubts. Regardless, I'm ready to impress her with my heroics, and more importantly, with awesome quips such as, "I feel like I'm in a baaaaad episode of the X-Files." That's in the movie. I'm not making this shit up.
I suppose no dialog will ever be as amazing as such lines from Alien Species, but I've had some great dialog with my favorite redhead of all time (sorry, Ron Howard, you've been bumped). Here's an example:
Baxter: Well, you're always losing hair because you're a mammal.
Ginger: (Angered.) I'm a HUMAN!
Let's chalk that one up as a brain fart. What made it funny to me was how much anger was in her voice. How dare I accuse her of being a mammal! Even better, or maybe worse, is that she passed this mammal-hate to our daughter YaYa. When we try to teach her that humans are mammals, she angrily shouts, "NO! We are just HUMANS!" She acts as though being called a mammal is like being called a filthy piece of filth. Then again, reptiles don't get lice, and amphibians have never turned the world into a polluted cesspool. Maybe they're right to be angry...
Everybody who knows me or knows of me is probably aware that I dig superpowers. So what about the filthy mammal woman that I love? Does she have superpowers? She does! Here's her explanation of one of those powers:
I can walk on water like Moses or whoever that was.
I'm an atheist, but I do respect a person's right to believe in whatever they want. (That won't stop me from occasionally making fun of your beliefs, but if you don't have a sense of humor about yourself then I have no time for you.) I do feel that, despite my beliefs, the imagery and iconography found in The Bible (copyright, God) are inescapable. Based on Ginger's comment I can see that she just doesn't give a shit about that. I find that refreshing.
I like superpowers, sure, but my favorite superhero is the non-superpowered Batman. And that leads me to the last quote I'll share today:
Pull my hair, spank my ass, and call me Batman!
I don't remember why she said that. I don't remember the context. I don't know if she said it simply to amuse me or if she really wanted me to do all those things. I'm just glad she said it.
I've been called eccentric (and by eccentric I mean crazy) before, so it was nice to meet and fall in love with a person who is arguably crazier... er... eccentricer than me. She once accused me of only liking her because she entertains me. That's not true, but it certainly doesn't hurt. And now I've got to save and publish this, because Ginger's trying to see what I'm typing, and it was supposed to be a surprise, dammit!